cosmosextips The Pussy Present: On the night of your anniversary, sneak into the parking garage at your man's work. Be sure to wear all black and stay low to the ground so no one sees you! Wait until your man is walking to his car at the end of the day and kidnap him, using a chloroform-soaked rag to knock him out. Throw him in the trunk and drive him to your favorite tattoo parlor. Bribe your tattoo artist with a quick HJ (or fingerbang) to ink an artistic rendering of your vagina across your man's back while he's passed out cold. If you don't have a hi-res photo on hand, just tap into your inner Kate Winslet, spread your legs, and pose it up! Once the portrait is complete, find a way to incorporate your name into the design, and top it all off with a quote your man has said to you during sex like, "I fucking love your pussy" or "Your pussy is my crack." When he finally comes to, he'll be so delighted to have his favorite part of you etched onto his skin for all eternity that he'll probably repay the favor by going down on you for hours. Happy Anniversary indeed! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Boneyard: On date night, blindfold your man and tell him you're taking him for a drive. Be sure to drive around for at least 30-ish minutes prior to heading to your final destination so he can't guess where you're going. Get him aroused in the car with some light HJ action, but DON'T let him take off the blindfolds! Secrecy is key in this erotic journey. Once you've parked the car, lead your man to a grassy spot and strip him naked. Use some rope or a plastic zip tie to bind his hands and feet. Once he's completely tied up and turned on, use your hands, mouth and body to pleasure him until he comes. Then, take off his blindfold to reveal the sexy, hush-hush location you've taken him to: his grandfather's grave! Put his blindfold back on and tell him you've "got to get something from the car but you'll be right back" then leave him there overnight. He'll be astonished at how unpredictable your lovemaking has become! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Leftover Lay: Unsure about what to do with all that extra food from Thanksgiving? Make a mixture of turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and gravy and insert it into your pussy. Leave it in for at least 10 hours to "cook" and marinate in your natural juices. YUM! Be sure to really clench your kegel muscles, so your oven stays tight! An hour before your dinner is ready, light some candles and throw on a sexy apron over your naked bod. When your man walks through the door after a long day of watching football, lead him into the dining room and seat him at the head of the table. Tell him you want to be his dinner tonight and lie down in front of him. Right before he starts to go down on you, spread your legs as wide as you can and push, letting your homemade feast flow out of you. He won't know what to devour first! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Black Fuckday: Tell your man it's OVER if he doesn't get you the flat screen tv of your dreams. Make him camp out in front of Best Buy for a week leading up to Black Friday so he can be the first one in and score the best deal! Visit him once a day to bring him McDonalds. Hang with him in his tent and let him know how much his commitment to the flat screen means to you. If he gets cranky, give him a beej. At 4am on the big day, show up to Best Buy in a sexy cheerleading outfit and cheer your man on using a megaphone! He'll definitely love the encouragement. When he finally comes out with your flat screen, be sure to verify it's the exact one you wanted, and then thank-you-fuck him in the parking lot. If he doesn't get it (or if he gets trampled in the process) forget him girl! It WASN'T meant to be. #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Love Sick: Be the selfless saint you are and join Doctors Without Borders and go the front lines of the Ebola crisis in Liberia. Your friends, family and man will all be SO proud of you (plus you'll get to wear your summer dresses in an exotic new locale). Save some lives, but don't forget to breach a lil' protocol, chica! Hurry home before the syptoms set in, and make sure to arrive through an airport that won't quarantine you. When you get home, throw your arms around your man and give him a long, passionate kiss. Take him to the bedroom and fuck him senseless, letting all the bodily juices flow! Wait until you both have a mild fever then call the CDC!!!!!! Make sure they take you guys to one of the three facilities properly equipped to handle a quarantine: the romantic big sky country of Montana, the comforting plains of Nebraska or a cute urban getaway in Hotlanta! You'll be quarantined together for at least three weeks of hand holding, catching up, potential internal bleeding and PLENTY of scrabble! Once you both pull through (fingers crossed!) you can rest assured your man will have a new lease on life, and a newfound appreciation for you. Surviving Ebola together will make you guys closer than ever! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Miss Dependable: If you're living with a man who just won't propose and you're sick of it, join the club sister! JK, but here's what to do to make him pop the question: Go to culinary school and become a world class chef. Your man needs to know you can whip up delish dishes at a moment's notice. Now, slowly start introducing laxatives into all his meals. Build up the potency over a long period of time. After six months of ingesting laxatives on a regular basis, he should be shitting his pants uncontrollably 24/7. Be there for him. Take him to all his gastroenterologist appointments. Buy his Depends for him. Lovingly wash his poo-stained pants with no complaints. After a year of standing by your man's side through his loose stool journey, he'll know that you're the one for him, and he'll be on one knee in no time! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Slinky: Spice up that boring HJ with a move that'll drive your man bonkers! Start playing with his dick until it's hard. Keep a steady stroke until he's about to come. When he's on the verge of climaxing, tighten your grip at the base of his shaft and flick your wrist, dislocating it at the root. Stretch his penis out as far as you possibly can, and when it's reached its stretch potential, let it go and watch his peen ricochet back into place, spraying cum everywhere! He'll be screaming for more. #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Master: Start a cult based on your obsession with your bf, and appoint him the head of it. He will LOVE feeling like king of the castle, trust! Buy a house together on the outskirts of town and relocate. Recruit some sexy, wayward virgins and teen runaways to come live in the house and join you in worshipping at your bf's feet. Drop tons of acid and engage in group orgies. Design a chic line of caftans for all the members to wear. Lure in a handful of 20-something, buff guys and have them start an organic farm on your property so your community can be completely self-sustaining. Make sure all the female members become pregnant so the family can grow. Once a year, perform a ritualistic sacrifice to God, aka your bf. There's no better way to show your man how much you appreciate him than to kill a goat and drain it's blood all over your body! Stock up on lots of weapons. If anyone tries to defect, kill them! If the police get involved, group suicide! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Hate Fuck: It's time for you to be a naughty little minx! Steal your man's credit card and go on a shopping spree. Buy every single thing your heart desires. Once you've maxed out his Amex, borrow some money from him to start a random business like a boutique that only sells scrunchies or a supper club that invades his house once a month. Run the business into the ground. Borrow more money to try to save it. When that doesn't work, declare bankruptcy! Once you're totally broke, move in with your bf and start fucking everyone he knows and loves: his best friend, brother, dad, even his mom if you must! Get his jealousy raging, but when he confronts you, deny everything. Capture all your antics on camera and edit them together to make a short film set to your man's favorite tunes. Play it for him on a large-screen projector while serving him his favorite meal. When he starts to scream, back away from him in terror and trip backwards over a glass coffee table, accidentally cutting your leg in the process. Clutch your wound while erupting into tears and wail "I did this all for us!" Wait for your man to rush by your side. Rip off your blouse and use it as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Be sure to wear your sexiest lingerie underneath! Your bf will administer the most powerful hate fuck you've ever received! You won't be able to walk for days, which means you'll have ample time to kick back and watch tons of Netflix! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips BBQ Bonanza: Let's face it ladies, men only marry skinny girls who can cook, so here's a great way to show your man you're grade A wife material! Go to that sexy plastic surgeon you've had your eye on and have him surgically remove four of your ribs. Ask him to do you a solid and let you take them home with you. Rush home ASAP and throw your ribs in a ziplock bag with a zesty marinade. Throw on that bandage dress you've been dying to fit into. Call your bf and tell him to come over because you're cooking for him tonight. Make yourself a small salad with lemon juice, and grill up your ribs until the meat is FALLING OF THE BONE…..yum! Serve them up to your boyfriend and watch him groan with pleasure as he ingests a piece of you with every bite! After he's done eating, hike up your dress and fuck his brains out. Then slip off your dress completely and show him your chic new scars. Wink at him and say "I love having you inside me, and now I’ll always be inside you too," in your breathiest baby voice. He’ll be sure to give you that ring you’ve been waiting for! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Switcheroo: All men love having their prostate tickled, but you shouldn't have to get your hands dirty if you don't want to! Blindfold your man and handcuff him to the bed, face down. Sensually massage him and kiss all the way down his back until you reach his backdoor 😉. Say you have to grab some ice and excuse yourself momentarily. Once you've left the room, send your gay BFF in to finish the job! Your man will love the expertise and attention to detail a gay touch provides. When your man's about to come, run back into the room and rip off his blindfold so he can see he's in a surprise threesome! After he's blown his load, have your gay BFF give him a tender kiss and whisper, "Your secret's safe with us." #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Movie Night: Everyone knows fear is the best aphrodisiac, so capitalize on the sexiness by having a scary night in with your man! Buy all the Saw movies from iTunes (you'll definitely want to watch them again because they're THE BEST!) and settle into bed for the marathon of a lifetime. During the scary parts of Saw I and II, scream as loud as you can in your man's ear and clutch him tightly, barely letting him move. When you get to Saw III and IV, start tearing off his pj's and biting him all over his neck and chest. Alternate between howling his name and whispering to him how glad you are that he's there to protect you. During Saw V and VI, tear off your clothing and hug your knees to your chest. Rip out pieces of your hair and start chewing them up frantically and spitting them at the TV/laptop screen. When the scariest and most cinematic masterpiece of the Saw franchise (Saw 3D) is over, pull a knife out of your bedside table and use it to make small cuts all over you and your man's body. When you're both completely naked and covered in blood, have yourselves a wild and frightfully delicious fuck fest! The anticipation and buildup will have you both exploding with pleasure! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Blissmas Vacation: Book you and your bf a holiday trip for two to Odessa, Ukraine--it's cheap this time of year, not to mention magical! Once the jet lag has worn off, get dressed up and hit the town! Slip some roofies into your man's drink while he's not looking. Arrange to have two sexy black market doctors meet you at the club and transport your bf's bod to a nearby hotel. Have them remove one of his kidneys and sell it to the highest bidder! Don't be fooled by lowball offers. Organs sold on the black market can go for up to 200k in this part of the world, so get that money! Give the doctors their percentage of the sale (or just throw them each a thank you fuck if you don't feel like giving up your dough) and deposit the remaining amount into an offshore checking account. Once your man has recovered, he'll LOVE that you went the extra mile to secure your future together. It'll be a vacation you both never forget! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Baby Love: Start breast pumping in secret until your tits naturally start lactating. Meanwhile, take every opportunity you have to emasculate your man. Make fun of him in front of his coworkers, criticize him in front of his family, embarrass him in public. Stop having sex with him completely for at least a month. Then, when he's practically a shell of his former self, seduce him unexpectedly! Just as he's about to climax, make him pull out and punch him as hard as you can in the dick. When he starts to tear up, squirt breast milk in his eyes and scream, "What do you want? Your mommy?!" Then immediately start cradling him and encourage him to breast feed until he feels safe again. Repeat this move two or three times and he will NEVER leave your side! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Psychedelic Fur: Indulge your man's taste for the outdoors and go on a rustic camping trip. Once you've pitched the tent 😉, pour him a delicious glass of Pinot Noir laced with peyote. Then go on a night hike and abandon him in the woods by himself. While he's becoming one with nature, shoot and kill a brown bear. Skin it, get naked and drape yourself in the fresh pelt. Rawrrrrr! Now it's time to pounce! Sneak up on your man in your sexy bear birthday suit and attack! If he becomes too aggressive, fire a single warning shot near his ear to calm him down. And if he totally freaks out, leave him for dead, girl! You DON'T want to be with someone who doesn't share your wild sense of adventure. #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Chilly Willy: Hot and heavy? Cool things down with a move your man will love! Apply Icy Hot™ liberally to your man's groin, and start massaging his shaft and testicles. Be sure to really rub it in. When he starts to writhe with pleasure, take the massage south of the border and slip your lubed up, Icy Hot™ finger into his butt. The cooling and warming sensations will surely blow his mind! If he protests, use your butt play finger to gently shush him. He needs to relax and chill out! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Houdini: Here's a great tip for keeping your marriage sexy and exciting! The day after you say "I do," pack one bag of your belongings and skip town, leaving everything behind. Relocate to a whole new city, but be sure not to tell a soul where you're going. Secrecy is key, sister! Once you're settled, assume a brand new identity. Cut off contact with everyone you know, and use this time to discover the new you! Once everyone from your old life thinks you're dead, it's time to come back to town! Sneak into your hubby's house in the middle of the night, crawl into his bed, and wake him up with a surprise blowjob. He'll be so happy to see you, he'll erupt with pleasure! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips The Window Washer: If you're being smart about dating, your bf works in finance on the 25th floor of a skyscraper making that money, honey! So give him a treat he'll never forget. On his birthday, bribe the building's window washer for full use of his pulley and gear with a 5 minute HJ (it’s not cheating if it’s for your man). Pull yourself up, floor by floor, until you reach the window of your man's corner office. Bang on his window violently. Once you have his attention, it's time for the show! Strip naked and lather your entire body up with soap. Rub your tits against the window so that it creates a foamy heart imprint. Fill your vagina up with soap, bend over and blow your boyfriend bubbly pussy kisses. When you're finally ready to fuck, put on your heels (better be Loubs!) crash through his window, rip off his suit and start riding him on his desk. Your birthday surprise will leave his office talking for weeks! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Ass-Plosion: Hot sex doesn't always have to be pretty. Sometimes messier is better! Go out for a sweet dinner at that one Mexican restaurant you know for a fact has given at least 4 of your friends food poisoning. Order fish tacos for two. When your tummies start to growl, take your bf's hands in your own and tell him you're "finally ready for anal." Hurry home, light some candles and get ready to fully submit your body to your beloved, fluids and all. Confidence is key, mama! #CosmoSexTip

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cosmosextips Tow Truck Fuck: During a romantic road trip, have your hubby pull over in the middle of nowhere. Tell him you need to call your mom and would like some privacy. While he's taking a walk in the woods, lovingly slash his tires. Run away screaming and crying hysterically, and be sure to ditch the knife! Now, find the tow truck you had your dad stash nearby, strip naked and drive the truck back to rescue your man. Tell him the fee to get rescued is one fuck, then mount him in the driver's seat and let the good times roll! #CosmoSexTip

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