Satisfy your man with the best unpublished tips from Cosmo.

Cosmopolitan Magazine has a long, storied reputation for providing the most outlandish sex tips to straight women in America. Lara imagines what some of the pitched, yet unpublished tips on her viral Instagram account, @cosmosextips.

 
DRONE BONE    Buy a drone, NOW! They're only $850...what's the problem??? Once you have the drone in your possession, set up a command station on your bed, complete with a computer and joystick. Put on a captain's uniform but get naked below the waist so that you're living a Porky Pig truth. Call your man into the bedroom and tell him to get dressed in a neon bodysuit with a hole right over his APZ (anal pleasure zone). Give him a stopwatch, walkie talkie and a bottle of poppers and inform him that he has 5 minutes to run and hide. Scream "GO" so he knows the countdown is ON! When he leaves, put on some of Bruno Mars's greatest hits (trust) to get yourself nice and horned up. Lube up a massive dildo and attach it to the drone. Now start lightly rubbing your clit. When 5 minutes has passed, yell "Time's Up, Motherfucker!" into the walkie and power up your new drone. Open the window and grab that joystick, because it's time to go butthole hunting! While you're furiously rubbing yourself with one hand, use your other hand to maneuver the drone out a window and into the woods, where your man is hiding out on all fours. When you finally spot him, shout "Incoming!!!!!" so he knows to take a HUUUUUUUGE whiff of poppers. Fly the dildrone directly into your man's a-hole. Once you've made contact, wiggle the joystick back and forth to give your man the ultimate prostate tickle. Keep in touch via the walkie talkie so that you both know when the other person's going to cum and when you reach orgasm, release a loooooong drone moan! Then make your man carry the drone home to your loving arms. You need to rest!

DRONE BONE

Buy a drone, NOW! They're only $850...what's the problem??? Once you have the drone in your possession, set up a command station on your bed, complete with a computer and joystick. Put on a captain's uniform but get naked below the waist so that you're living a Porky Pig truth. Call your man into the bedroom and tell him to get dressed in a neon bodysuit with a hole right over his APZ (anal pleasure zone). Give him a stopwatch, walkie talkie and a bottle of poppers and inform him that he has 5 minutes to run and hide. Scream "GO" so he knows the countdown is ON! When he leaves, put on some of Bruno Mars's greatest hits (trust) to get yourself nice and horned up. Lube up a massive dildo and attach it to the drone. Now start lightly rubbing your clit. When 5 minutes has passed, yell "Time's Up, Motherfucker!" into the walkie and power up your new drone. Open the window and grab that joystick, because it's time to go butthole hunting! While you're furiously rubbing yourself with one hand, use your other hand to maneuver the drone out a window and into the woods, where your man is hiding out on all fours. When you finally spot him, shout "Incoming!!!!!" so he knows to take a HUUUUUUUGE whiff of poppers. Fly the dildrone directly into your man's a-hole. Once you've made contact, wiggle the joystick back and forth to give your man the ultimate prostate tickle. Keep in touch via the walkie talkie so that you both know when the other person's going to cum and when you reach orgasm, release a loooooong drone moan! Then make your man carry the drone home to your loving arms. You need to rest!

 
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Drone Bone:

Buy a drone, NOW! They're only $850...what's the problem??? Once you have the drone in your possession, set up a command station on your bed, complete with a computer and joystick. Put on a captain's uniform but get naked below the waist so that you're living a Porky Pig truth. Call your man into the bedroom and tell him to get dressed in a neon bodysuit with a hole right over his APZ (anal pleasure zone). Give him a stopwatch, walkie talkie and a bottle of

poppers and inform him that he has 5 minutes to run and hide. Scream "GO" so he knows the countdown is ON! When he leaves, put on some of Bruno Mars's greatest hits (trust) to get yourself nice and horned up. Lube up a massive dildo and attach it to the drone. Now start lightly rubbing your clit. When 5 minutes has passed, yell "Time's Up, Motherfucker!" into the walkie and power up your new drone. Open the window and grab that joystick, because it's time to go butthole hunting! While you're furiously rubbing yourself with one hand, use your other hand to maneuver the drone out a window and into the woods, where your man is hiding out on all fours. When you finally spot him, shout "Incoming!!!!!" so he knows to take a HUUUUUUUGE whiff of poppers. Fly the dildrone directly into your man's a-hole. Once you've made contact, wiggle the joystick back and forth to give your man the ultimate prostate tickle. Keep in touch via the walkie talkie so that you both know when the other person's going to cum and when you reach orgasm, release a loooooong drone moan! Then make your man carry the drone home to your loving arms. You need to rest! #CosmoSexTips

 
Screen Shot 2019-05-15 at 5.14.03 PM.png

Drone Bone

Buy a drone, NOW! They're only $850...what's the problem??? Once you have the drone in your possession, set up a command station on your bed, complete with a computer and joystick. Put on a captain's uniform but get naked below the waist so that you're living a Porky Pig truth. Call your man into the bedroom and tell him to get dressed in a neon bodysuit with a hole right over his APZ (anal pleasure zone). Give him a stopwatch, walkie talkie and a bottle of poppers and inform him that he has 5 minutes to run and hide. Scream "GO" so he knows the countdown is ON! When he leaves, put on some of Bruno Mars's greatest hits (trust) to get yourself nice and horned up. Lube up a massive dildo and attach it to the drone. Now start lightly rubbing your clit. When 5 minutes has passed, yell "Time's Up, Motherfucker!" into the walkie and power up your new drone.

Open the window and grab that joystick, because it's time to go butthole hunting! While you're furiously rubbing yourself with one hand, use your other hand to maneuver the drone out a window and into the woods, where your man is hiding out on all fours. When you finally spot him, shout "Incoming!!!!!" so he knows to take a HUUUUUUUGE whiff of poppers. Fly the dildrone directly into your man's a-hole. Once you've made contact, wiggle the joystick back and forth to give your man the ultimate prostate tickle. Keep in touch via the walkie talkie so that you both know when the other person's going to cum and when you reach orgasm, release a loooooong drone moan! Then make your man carry the drone home to your loving arms. You need to rest! #CosmoSexTips